The other day I got another of the millions of phishing e-mails floating around the internet like fecal residue on the surface of your goggles at a public swimming pool. This e-mail was attempting to get me into a “business relationship” which would be of “mutual benefit.” I usually do what everyone does and just delete this along with my Classmates.com “someone just looked at your profile” updates. Not this time though. I’m taking a stand, I’m sick and tired of getting on Facebook, Twitter, my work and even personal e-mail account and having 90% of society trying to stick their hand down my pants and cop a feel of my wallet. That’s what my coworkers’ kids fundraisers and Bank of America are for!

How do you stop spam? How do you stop getting phishing e-mails? Why does Samuel L. Jackson not have an inside voice?

I have no idea. But I do know that I can try to be the most annoying mark they’ve ever tried to come across. My objective? for them to curse the day they used my e-mail address to try to get money.

So now, allow me to share with you the first of my letters to my new friend Nicholas.

So at this point I’m pretty sure I won’t hear back, but that’s when I get the automated response.

Nicholas Lim is what some might call an e-mail scammer, but I think of him as a friend, and someone you could get to know. Get to know him at nicholaslim121@gmail.com.